All rights reserved. Learn more. You may believe that this is a sign of a loving relationship, but space and freedom to pursue things on your own is vital for each person’s emotional well-being. “One of the most important things to me is that my wife, Rebecca, is for me and I’m for her,” says Lee Potts, a retired computer programmer from St. Louis, Missouri. Start by appreciating something about each other. Be available in a new or different way. Yet experts say it’s important to make a concerted effort to heighten and reinforce this new sense of oneness — and then to guard and protect it. Surprise them by agreeing to take care of a chore you usually protest/avoid; offer to accompany them on something you usually take a pass on; or surprise them with something they care about … making a favorite meal or watching that movie they love and you can’t stand while you cuddle. So, take as many opportunities as you can to break with your routine and do things that are new and different. Stressors, change, schedules, physical distance, mental preoccupation, the ebb and flow of life … so many things can lead to our waking up one morning and feeling distant from our intimate other. That doesn’t make them any less painful to live through, but it should also point to the fact that they can be overcome. It's hard to find time to strengthen love when we're running to work, scouts, business meetings, soccer, piano lessons, and family and community events. Yours for Rosh Hashanah, his for the Passover Seder? Make a conscious effort to put the tips above into practice in your relationship, but don’t expect instant results. Don’t cut them off — you really need that love and support. And this almost always leads to greater physical intimacy too. You shouldn’t be aiming for a physical relationship that meets those crazy standards, but rather one that makes you happy, that’s based on a true connection with and understanding of your partner. Surprise generosity is a huge intimacy booster. As and when your partner shows hints of vulnerability by expressing their emotions or opening up in some other way, show that you appreciate this effort and be wholly positive about the experience. Parents that are spending an inadequate amount of time and attention on their marriage are modeling this to the kids. To instantly inject intimacy into your relationship, make the decision to be available to your partner in a way you usually are not. How to Rebuild Trust in a Broken Relationship, According to Therapists. Connection-deepening activities are ones that get you focused on each other as people — and on your relationship. “Unless you’re willing to make your relationship a higher priority than other relationships and activities, you won’t have a growing marriage,” notes Claudia Arp. The solution is to open yourself back up again and let your partner see this and mirror you in turn. “But we see a lot of husbands and wives who never, ever reprioritize their relationship after marriage. But if it’s a ritualistic event in which you go out and sit across from each other in a booth checking email on your phone or discussing the latest outrageous thing your 13-year-old tried to get away with at school, you’re not deepening your connection. It gives you time to miss each other and makes you appreciate what you have when you return to it. Well, to start with, you can follow this advice: I know that doesn’t sound good. Visit new places together, try new activities, meet new people as a couple, expand your cultural horizons…. Understanding this and accepting it to some extent will allow you to be more reasonable in your beliefs of what an intimate relationship should look like. Emotional intimacy is so very important for our individual wellbeing as well as the health of our relationship. Other cultures do this much better — the Japanese have a concept called amae, which loosely translated means the delicious experience of interdependence. Make Your Relationship a Priority After Greg and Priscilla Hunt said “I do” in 1976, Greg worked hard to master, Make Your Relationship a Priority After Greg and Priscilla Hunt said “I do” in 1976, Greg worked hard to master the grammar of an unfamiliar new language: marriage. Make it a point to talk about and think about whether it’s good for your marriage. Don’t count on it! 3. We recommend our users to update the browser. Offer up some new information from your day. You’re overcommitted if friends, visits with your parents and extended family, hobbies, clocking overtime hours on the job, or volunteer and community commitments have crowded out the three kinds of time you need with your beloved: casual catching-up, scheduled dates, and intimate encounters. Luckily, yours will be more fun than listening to Bob from accounting go over the last month’s sales numbers. Hashing out the usual stressors in a nicer setting like a restaurant isn’t any better than hashing out the stressors over the kitchen table, when it comes to building intimacy. Marital problems that are associated with not spending enough time together, are also serving as a model for the children’s adult relationships. Ask: Is it good for our relationship? Take a little extra time to cook them a special meal, just because. Same goes if your evenings are TV marathons or Internet extravaganzas. Chances are your partner knows you better than anyone, so they’ll be able to tell a mile off when you’re not really in the room with them. But your boss doesn’t tend to call you with the good news — you don’t hear that you’ve done a great job on the project; you do hear that suddenly there’s a deadline crisis.”. Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Take a scenic drive to get an ice cream, clean the tub together, or take a cooking class. It’s hard to connect with your partner when all you can think about is the pile of work waiting on your desk the next morning, or when you are constantly checking your work emails. So if it’s easier to begin with the more physical side of things (and we’re not just talking sex), then do that. This can be especially complicated when it comes to your families of origin. Don’t relegate your relationship to scraps of leftover time. Simply, Still not sure what to do about the intimacy issues in your relationship? You’re a team — and responsible to someone else in a new and profound way. You may well experience moments that hark back to the days when you were first getting to know each other, and you’ll continue to discover new things about each other as you both grow and your bodies and tastes change, but you can’t expect your physical relationship to go on being earth-shattering for years on end.