Try to make an effort to hang out with them. You don't need to force the friendship. Ryan Hubbard, who lives in Adelaide, Australia and works in “design for social innovation,” started a research project called Kitestring to try to figure out how people organize their lives to prioritize friendship, and some of the more specific ways that friendships get deeper. See how you can go from boring to bonding in less than 7 minutes. The second takeaway was actually borrowed from existing research on romantic relationships. Share your sense of humor and tell jokes that you think are funny. As long as you apply the idea of asking gradually more personal questions to improve your relationships, you’re using the Fast Friends procedure (and your relationships will benefit from it). Simply saying “listen to them” may sound obvious, but it’s something that so many people struggle with, even if they don’t realize it. Soon you might hang with your partner's friends without them â you just never know! Be reliable for your friend. Later, they hope to use what they learn to fuel some sort of business or nonprofit venture aimed at better facilitating friendships. Making new friends The original Fast Friends experiment was completed in 3 parts: Two people that don’t know each other have been randomly assigned to each other and they know nothing about the other. While this might sound silly to do, this will make your SO's friends feel appreciated. This process should take about an hour, depending on how in-depth the participants’ responses are. When psychologists design and carry out experiments, they’re done so under heavily controlled conditions that are usually not applicable to real-life scenarios. This is unhealthy and will not allow your friendship to grow. "Even if you can't connect with them, try [to] really [talk and listen] to them. Either way, when you talk with your partner's friends, try to find common interests so you can create a close bond. Continue asking questions in increasing intimacy to get to know the deep stuff about each other. no in general i never had any close friend, only classmates and co workers. i used to smoke weed but it makes me kinda paranoid so it’s not a good idea to make friend haha. That's easy if you have some pot on hand. You could talk about a vulnerability if they’re previously mentioned their insecurities and ask something like, “When was the last time you cried in front of someone else?”. Do you believe in any sort of God? Our review board ensures that our content is accurate and up to date. i just got out of a 10 year relationship with a narcissist sociopath. Improving your confidence Of course, the researchers didn’t start the questioning with philosophical questions about their beliefs because that would scare participants off. However, even after many months of doing this with a friend, I’ve noticed that most people don’t reciprocate. Joan and George, I recommend you to check out this article on what to do when friends only talk about themselves: https://socialpronow.com/blog/friend-only-talks-about-themselves-arent-interested-in-you/. “When I talk to students, I say ‘Pay close attention to the habits you’re forming, because before you know it, you have organized your life in a way that doesn’t allow for the kind of friends that you would like to have.’”. Friendship is the most important thing in the world. Find an opportunity to say hello and share your name without being overly pushy. Said Roberts, “If you want, invite other friends to hang with you guys, but remember: your other friends are important too, so don’t leave them out of your life or make your new friend take top priority.” You don’t want to push your other friends away, ever! Going to expensive dinners you can’t afford, weekends away that make you anxious since you’re not that close yet, or staying out later than your body wants you to only makes them think you’re someone you’re not. “I think the times we live in are really an obstruction to friendship, and it needs to be said out loud,” Rawlins says. “But I like the notion of rituals.”, One interesting way Hubbard uses the container metaphor is this concept of “repotting” friendships to make them closer, as you might repot a succulent that has outgrown its terra-cotta cup. The best part is that you can use it with anyone, including business colleagues, an old friend, or even a relative you’d like to get closer to. This means the procedure is perfect to use when meeting someone over a cup of coffee, while traveling, or at a party. If you find yourself at a party, you can introduce yourself so that both of you have someone to talk to. Just hang out, loosen up, and have a good time. Everyone else seems content with social media or the occasional hello or dinner- i want a community where people drop by and call and talk and laugh without having to go to a structured social media event. And while every friend doesn’t have to be your best friend ever, maybe you’d like to bring this particular friendship to the next level. Friendship is a two-way street, so it is important for both of you to feel that you know each other well in order to build a good friendship. All it really means, Harris says, is putting effort into a relationship. Remember that the Fast Friends procedure works because of its progressive nature. The epidemiologist David Bradley once looked at the “lifetime track” of four generations of his family. http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife, http://tinybuddha.com/blog/25-ways-to-be-a-true-friend/, http://www.succeedsocially.com/deepenfriendship, http://www.selfstairway.com/how-to-be-a-good-friend/, http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-become-a-magnet-for-friends-7-mindful-tips/, Eine gute Freundschaft zu jemandem aufbauen, consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. Introduce yourself to the person with whom you want to be friends. This isn't an interrogation!" So, you always have to feel out a new interaction partner: back off if they seem like they don’t want to share and be sure that you reciprocate in kind by sharing equivalent levels of information with them. It’s a pretty selfish world out there for sure!!! Learn why people who "don't try" often are so socially successful. Inquire about their interests, what they do for a living, and their past. Said Roberts, “If you make it solely about what you think she would like, you’re going to feel anxious before you even hang out, and people pick up on this. Related: My reviews of the 21 best books on how to make friends. No matter how long you've been in a relationship with someone, it's never a bad idea to become friendly with their buddies. It's really that simple, unless you're a psychologist. Just tell her you miss her and that her friendship is really important to you. “The opportunities for friendship come with how people’s lives are organized,” Rawlins says. That sends the sign that you may do the same to her. Don’t talk about your friends behind their back with her—it shows that you’ll do the same thing about her.”. "Make sure not to put pressure on yourself to be friends with your SOâs friends. “They don’t drop from the sky.”. Most likely, people will return the favor and want to get to know you, too. When did you last sing to yourself or to someone else? To get started, sit down with a good ol’ pen and paper. Bradley found that his great-grandfather’s entire life took place “in a square of only 40 kilometers.” His grandfather’s lifetime track was about 400 square kilometers; his father’s was about 4000 square kilometers, and his own extended all over the world, for a 40,000-kilometer square. we have a lot in common. Thank them for the things they do for your SO (i.e. 'I wish you could have seen the smile on Andyâs face when he got home from hanging out with you last week'). Improve socially without doing weird out-of-your-comfort-zone stunts. 4. The other person may tell you a little bit more about themselves, then you respond in kind by telling them a little more about you, and the process continues back-and-forth like that.