It’s also pretty common for sheer jealousy to be the culprit of this problem. Of course, you don’t want to cut your friends off, but you may want to spend more time with them on your own and leave your boo out of it if they’re not a huge fan of that crew. That’s not to say you necessarily have to cut off your friendships with those exes, but you may need to adjust them if your current significant other feels uncomfortable about the nature or extent of those friendships, and they have valid reasons why. We know ads can be annoying, but they’re what allow us to make all of wikiHow available for free. It is tough but yes you are right, I have come out of it a stronger person. I felt pressured to move past my feelings and maintain a friendship, since we shared the same friends. Of course, you don’t want to cut your friends off, but you may want to spend more time with them on your own and leave your boo out of it if they’re not a huge fan of that crew. Avoid mentioning the friend that no longer wants to hangout with you. Last Updated: November 14, 2019 She writes because her friends are tired of her talking to herself in group chats. Whether or not this is true, it doesn’t mean you have bad friends or a bad partner. It may sound obvious, but if bae doesn’t like your friends — and your friends happen to be your exes — that could be because they fear your former flames trying to get back together with you. It may take time, but you will get over them. You may find yourself in a situation where, despite your best efforts, some friends are simply unwilling or unable to continue being your friend. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. I put someone else’s needs ahead of mine. “If you have a partner who has your best interests in mind, and your friends are passive aggressive, abusive, or not kind, your partner not liking these friends may be a way for you to reassess them yourself.”. friend anymore, because you're annoying.' I am not particularly shy, nor am I viewed as strange, or antisocial. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. Sure, it would be pretty clutch if you could plan fun group outings and getaways with your friends and your significant other. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014. Those fears may or may not be valid, depending on your exes’ behavior, but it’s important to make sure your boo feels secure and respected in your relationship. And of course, you could also make new friends. “They often have motives different from a true friend,” says Masini. So, if it’s bothering them that you hang out with your exes, take some time to delve into what they’re worried about. The truth is that the idea of being friends with someone you were once in love with is not only scary, but confusing. Finding out that a friend no longer wants to be friends with you can be really difficult, but by taking time to mourn and reaching out for support from others, you’ll feel better in the long run. That’s because, says Tracy, their real-life connection is so special that she doesn’t want to change it by taking it online. If you’re not ready, then take your time. “Sometimes simply acknowledging and articulating what you see, and what bothers you, your partner and to your friends (separately), gives them a chance to make changes,” she explains. Do not retaliate. ", "It helped me learn that I am not alone.". I’m not saying that it’s impossible to be friends with an ex, but that it’s okay if you’re not. For example, maybe they flake out on you a lot, or they fail to show up when you need them and it really matters. The … I was told to treat people how you want to be treated. I got so fed up with her behavior that I changed my number and deleted contracts. I was hanging onto what our friendship used to be like and I thought it could come back. Don't reach out to your old friends. You may want to save copies to a USB drive and then give it to a friend or family member in case there comes a time when you feel it would no longer be too painful to look back on old times when the friendship was still solid. 3. ", others and start fights in public places. This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. The choice is ultimately yours, and you shouldn’t let anyone influence your decision. Consider this: Particularly if you’ve known your current friends for a long time, you may not notice some of their problematic behavior. Try taking a class or starting a new hobby to meet new people, who may become new friends over time. Hello Giggles is part of the Meredith Beauty Group. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. “If your friends don’t like your partner, it may be for good reasons that you are overlooking because you are caught in a love storm. Hello Giggles may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. That is just making things worse. this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines. Don't be afraid to cry. Masini says that your partner may notice something in your friends that you’ve somehow overlooked — and this could be beneficial if your friends have been mistreating you in any way. For example, if the tension between them is palpable any time they’re in the same room, you could ask your partner or your friends to try and make peace. How do I get over not being friends with someone anymore? There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. "It's OK If You Don't Have Friends At Work" was originally published on The Daily Muse. “And those motives may be romantic or sexual or both.”. “If your friends see your partner as a threat to your relationship/s with them, it’s sometimes because they feel like you’re going to leave them behind. Sometimes people reach disagreements that they can not get past. And that’s okay! Haven't tried this yet but I'm sure it's helpful. After all, both your boo and your #squad are important to you, and you probably don't want to compromise either. It reinforces the fact that you are not alone in how you feel and can give you hope that better times are ahead. But they’re not friends on Facebook. If you can, try to call someone you think has gone through similar friendship breakups in the past. By using our site, you agree to our. They’re painful, exhausting, and excruciatingly challenging. Spend time doing the things you have in common with your current friends, since a healthy social life will help you get over your loss. No matter what anyone tells you, it’s difficult to go from giggles and cuddles to zero contact and awkwardness. "One of my best friends was going through a hard time after her friend straight up said, 'I don't want to be your, "Brilliant advice. It was especially hard because we shared a group of mutual friends. “They may be a control freak and your friends are looking out for your best interests,” she explains. “Your friends may be jealous of your new partner, and your new partner is picking up on their behavior resulting from jealousy,” she explains. Vicki Le is a walking contradiction and is learning how to adult by watching YouTube videos. Give it some time. This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. If your partner doesn’t like your friends because they very clearly don’t approve of your boo, then Masini says it’s time to consider what your friends see in them. If you suspect you’re dealing with this scenario, Masini says that this presents an opportunity for you to dig into that jealousy. For tips from our Friendship co-author on how to approach mutual friends after the end of a friendship, keep reading! Except we became friends too soon after our many break ups, and that started to blur the lines. Is it OK if your partner doesn't like your friends? Why it's OK to never, ever, ever be friends with an ex. Your heart and mind are in need of mending and having space will give you time to think and to decide whether or not you want to begin a new friendship. References. If you really can’t stand to see another ad again, then please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. Who cares if you can’t come up with a specific reason why you want distance. For example, if you typically all get together once a week, Masini advises changing that to a once-a-month gathering. Other times you just drift apart. This is when you both mutually agree that it’s best to go your separate ways because the relationship has run its course. “It’s very normal for someone new to come into your life and expand your interests,” says Masini. It will hopefully help her because it actually helped me after I lost a (apparently not) strong friendship. Hello Giggles is a registered trademark of Meredith Corporation All Rights Reserved. Setting these limits doesn’t mean you’re intentionally trying to hurt your ex, or that you hate them. Listen to some sad music or watching a sad movie can actually be very cathartic. In fact, according to relationship and etiquette expert April Masini, it might not be such a bad thing if your partner isn’t a huge fan of your friends. Stacey Gawronski is the Senior Editor/Writer of The Muse. Don't bother them and if they still don't want to be your friend, move on and make new friends. Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. First of all, it’s okay to not want to be friends with an ex, or anyone for that matter. I don’t want to be a cool girl. Is there anything particular about your exes’ behavior that irks them or fuels their fears? Is it OK if your partner doesn't like your friends, can definitely have an impact on your friendships, toxic behavior that you've been turning a blind eye to. When you introduce someone new into your life, not everything that was stays the same.”. In a perfect world, your romantic relationship and your friendships would exist side by side with no friction. The fact that bae doesn’t like your friends may shed light on some jealousy or problematic behavior on the part of your friends, or on some fears on the part of your partner.