Rather than "We should have a better sex life," you might try action statements such as "We can give each other a massage" or "We can set up a time to be affectionate." I don’t want to be trying to hold you back because some drunk swatted at you or made a stupid comment. The existing Open Comments threads will continue to exist for those who do not subscribe to Independent Premium. Your most attractive personality traits? Most surprisingly perhaps is that cheating (42%) ranked lower on the scale compared to being clean (50%). "Loyalty, i.e. That’s when I realized we were done. No (though, within reason, neither of those qualities have ever hurt anyone’s chances). RELATED: If He Does These 24 Things, Congrats! should feel comfortable enough to confide in you with all of their fears and secrets. For example, when Phyllis began looking for positives from Ralph, she realized that he was affectionate at times and that he was rewarding to her as well. If you like being a prison warden so much, go be a pen pal to some convict in Angola. Which Process is Successful for Motivational Interviewing? Your partner should not provoke your inner worst qualities — only the ones that make you a better you. You may recognize the positive things in your relationship but disregard them: "That's what a wife or husband should do"; "Well, so what that he did that? Whether it’s deadlifting your bodyweight or learning enough German for a trip to Oktoberfest, it’s important to have a partner who celebrates your achievements. There’s simply nothing else that compares to selfishness when gauging the difficulty of making a relationship succeed. This person you’ll be spending so much time with intimately has to at least be willing to understand and accept why you do certain things. Hate that. Our journalists will try to respond by joining the threads when they can to create a true meeting of independent Premium. Rather than engaging in mind-reading, you can ask your partner what he meant or how she is feeling. Beauty of all kinds really is in the eye of the beholder, and human uniqueness is what makes the search for ‘the one’ all the more interesting (and difficult). "Sometimes he withdraws and sometimes he interacts with me. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. You don't want to have to waste time worrying about if they're acting irresponsibly. The worst ones: Call you up at your job, make you stay at home. Sharing everything that goes on between you with friends. You may be surprised by what women *really* want in a man. Being closed-minded isn’t a trait that’s exclusive to a particular gender, but if a man is convinced he’s always right and will never consider your argument, it’s not a good sign. 20 Qualities of a Good Man—and No, 'Manliness' Isn't One of Them. While this is clearly ludicrous, maintaining your friendships is important. Having a similar outlook in life could be crucial to a successful relationship, according to a study. Your partner should not provoke your inner worst qualities — only the ones that make you a better you. ", "Our sex life should always be fantastic. Look at the list of typical thoughts that distressed couples have and ask yourself if any of these are true for you. Just list every positive every day and then share it with each other. You can also consider alternative ways to view what is going on -- as I suggest below. Lying topped the list with almost three quarters of people saying they can’t stand it, while just 69% aren’t keen on someone who ‘takes advantage of people’ or is ‘belittling, impatient or hateful’ (57%). You hold up a standard for a relationship that is unrealistically high and then measure your relationship by this standard. Soulmates love all of you. The first question to ask is, "Is there a different way to think about this? A better way of looking at your emotions is that your feelings may go up and down, depending on what you and your partner are doing. I think the the most crucial thing you need in an SO is understanding. But the first thing to do is to identify what you are thinking. A study from the University of Texas found that the most successful relationships weren’t down to compatibility, but rather making the relationship work. Nicole Yi is the former associate editor of PopSugar Fitness. Not everyone runs a mental checklist before taking the ultimate leap — some just know. But you can make progress by acting differently and communicating in a caring way. ", "It's all his fault, so why should I change? Not only are you looking for a special connection, but most of us are also ticking off an internal list of qualities that we want, and don’t want, in our future partner. Learn about us. If your partner shows zero respect for your friends and family, it's hard to ignore, even if he or she has no problem showing their appreciation to you. Then do more of those positives. Required fields are marked *. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Maybe not the worst, but I couldn’t stand being with someone who has no sense of humor. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. ", "If I'm attracted to other people, it means that I shouldn't stay in this marriage. ", "I shouldn't ever be unhappy (bored, angry, etc.) I’m not really sure how to talk to people who form an opinion without questioning it. But if he does tick all these boxes, he could be one to hold on to. The best way to test out your distorted and biased negative thinking is to look at the facts. The cartoons that perfectly sum up relationships, If a man has these 9 qualities never let him go, scientists say, If a woman has these 14 qualities never let her go, scientists say, You may not agree with our views, or other users’, but please respond to them respectfully, Swearing, personal abuse, racism, sexism, homophobia and other discriminatory or inciteful language is not acceptable, Do not impersonate other users or reveal private information about third parties, We reserve the right to delete inappropriate posts and ban offending users without notification. Your partner implies that you are stupid, or that they are "the smart one” in the relationship; they try … Your S.O. ", "If my partner doesn't do what I want her to do, I should punish her. You should always be able to rely on your partner for anything, from emotional support to upholding their commitments. Being spoiled. Being on fire. That said, all I know that all of what he says when I’m not there upholds me and puts me in a good light. with my partner. In the article, you will discover the Best and Worst Personality Traits. 20. When we are distressed we have automatic thoughts -- that is, thoughts that come to us spontaneously, seem true, and generally go unexamined. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Over half (53%) also said they wanted to be ‘deeply in love with and attracted’ to their partner, which technically doesn’t count – it’s not a quality someone can possess. People need to be willing to put in hard work in all areas of their life – especially relationships. You think you’ve met a perfectly nice guy or gal, but over time they think they have the right to snoop through your shit, listen in on your calls, scare away your friends, antagonize your family. Once Vinnie and Cynthia recognized how futile and depressing perfectionism was, they were able to work constructively on their relationship. Anyone who isn’t willing to work for what they want will expect you to hand it to them, and that causes resentment. Of course, if your partner doesn’t have all the above qualities that doesn’t mean you should necessarily dump him immediately - we all look for different things in a partner and a relationship, after all. But regardless of whether or not you choose to follow that instinct, it doesn't hurt to validate that he or she is your soulmate. Now, be honest with yourself. Replace your shoulds with "how to" and "let's try." Your email address will not be published. Better stare at my eyes. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author. Every positive should be counted -- it's the only way to build up good will. Sometimes it's beneficial to give your partner the benefit of the doubt: "She's simply taking a little time to unwind" is a better interpretation than "He doesn't find me interesting.". Oh god the thought disgusts me. Damn I couldn’t stand that. Part of HuffPost Wellness. According to the data, young people want someone who can have a laugh, likes giving and receiving affection and is reliable. According to the research, more intelligent men are more likely to get married and stay married. Your partner should not provoke your inner worst qualities — only the ones that make you a better you. Because they think you can’t go through the drive-thru at McDonald’s without potentially hooking up with some strange. Being annoying for attention. When you're out of line, he or she shouldn't be afraid to challenge you and should respectfully point out your wrongdoing when necessary. SENSE OF HUMOR : The journey of life is too long and it is with lots of twist & turns, you don’t know … He or she should be able to put aside their ego to be held accountable for any mistakes. Regardless of your preconceptions, a great sex partner. It allows our most engaged readers to debate the big issues, share their own experiences, discuss real-world solutions, and more. Not in terms of monetary value — your partner should contribute a quality that inspires you to grow, whether that means he or she is smarter or more ambitious than you. Overindulgence and lack of fiscal responsibility. I Hate That Caring About You Makes Me Look ‘Clingy’, 8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Diagnosed With Herpes, Yes, I’m Looking At Your Breasts … I Can’t Help It, I’m A Man, Here’s How I Loved You In Six Little Words, No One Has Ever Looked At Me Quite Like This, Read This When You Feel Like You’re Not Beautiful.